Bitter Joyful Emotional Random Tired Infatuated Angry Hopeful Solitary Healthy

April 24, 2009 by vongsundara · 2 Comments 

Random thoughts for a random kind of day. I’ve gone through probably the craziest times of my Toronto life in the past few days. I haven’t felt so many different emotions simultaneously in years.

I started off the week determined but that determination switched to bitterness in a hurry. It’s the type of bitterness I was used to feeling in Calgary but haven’t felt since until this week. I’m absolutely the weirdest bitter person ever. I spent two days listening to angry Justin Timberlake songs like What Goes Around and Cry Me A River while screaming out One Republic’s Apologize while walking down the streets.

You see, I’m the type of person who allows himself to feel emotions as deeply as I can. I always find that this helps me move passed the negativity much more quickly. Unfortunately, this leads to a couple of days of extremely raw emotions. Lukcily for me, my close friends have gotten used to my hot and cold cycles.

A lot has been happening physically to me in the last little while. I haven’t been to work for a full day in almost two weeks and haven’t played sports for almost a month. I was definitely on a downward spiral and just barely hanging on for dear life.

Amazingly, I think that the events of this week allowed me to finally let go and hit the bitter rock bottom. Yesterday, everything seemed to turn around. I completely felt on top of the world for the first time in a month. I saw the ridiculousness of my bitterness (though it was fun while it was lasted). I willed myself back to work and back on to the badminton court. I wasn’t able to survive a full session of either, but it was important to get back on the track.

I spent this afternoon weeping while watching Milk and My Sassy Girl. Good lord, how many times can I cry in one afternoon. My face is still wet.

On the bright side, I actually had some fun flirtatiousness going on in the middle of my bitter march to rock bottom. I suppose a spring fling wouldn’t be the worst thing for me at the moment, especially considering I haven’t had even a sniff of a love life since moving to Toronto. It’s strange how everything happens.

Oh, and on top of everything, my mom is in town, my improv classes start tonight, and I have an awesome sci-fi party to geek out at before I go to bed tonight. It looks like the rest of my day is going to resemble the start of my week emotionally: completely damn random.

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